Cute, but Dense

So I've been out of the corporate world for over 2 years now (October 2005). While I was saying, "This is great; I'm going to simply adore being home!," others who apparently know me better than I know myself were saying, "Three months before she goes stir crazy and wants to go back to work."

Well, HA! They were wrong!

It only took 2 months. So there.

So I've kept myself busy, working at the yarn store, teaching a few knitting classes. In August 2006, I found myself doing technical writing work from home. But, you know, it didn't feel like a real job. I mean, how could it be a "real" job when I liked what I did, I only took the work I wanted to do, I could work in my jammies if I wanted to, and I charged a lot of money for it?

About a week ago, my client and my DH and I were talking over dinner and I said something very silly. I told them my thoughts about my job not being a "real" job. And I was telling them that while I didn't miss corporate life, I miss the structure. They didn't let me get to that part, though, they latched onto the bit about not having a "real" job and kept telling me that was the beauty of having your own company - you get to set the rules and you get to decide what to do and when to do it. For about 15 minutes, we violently agreed with each other.

They never let me get to the part where I could explain further, the part about the structure. Structure and ritual. I miss the structure of a "real" work day, to know where the boundaries are, just like I miss the rituals of organized religion. Neither means I want to go back to cubicles or go back to church, it just means I want to put these pieces back into my life.

I'm working on being up and at my desk by 9:00. Just like a "real" job. Taking a break for lunch midday. Just like a "real" job. (Okay, so I occasionally get focused and don't get to lunch until 2:00 or 2:30...) Being done with what I planned to do that day by 4:00-ish, so I can spend the night with DH, not sitting at the computer finishing up what I promised.

This is a bit of a ramble, I guess. Learning something about me that everyone but me knows, that I need to make order out of chaos. I'm not one of those people who can survive when everything is topsy-turvy around her ears. Structure. I'm working on getting it back. But I can put it in when I want and where I want, and I can wear my jammies if I want. So there.