Tuesday, September 13, 2011

RIP Betty Williams, you were a remarkable woman. No mother-in-law jokes here; I was proud to be your daughter-in-law.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Petty, Trivial, Inconsequential

My birthday is September 11. For 44 years, that was a wondrous day, a magical day, a day I looked forward to each year (yes, even after I had passed 30 and 40). Now, and I know this is incredibly petty, I am angry that joy at my birthday celebration was taken away from me. I know it was awful for the New Yorkers and Washingtonians and Pennsylvanians who saw it unfold in person, and it's truly awful that so many thousands of people died, and it was scary for those of us who were even once- or twice-removed from the events (waiting for hours to finally hear that my brother and Mary were okay)... But my lasting memory of watching the news that morning was "my birthday will forever be ruined." Since 2001, every 9/11 I wake up, not thinking "oh boy, it's my birthday" like I used to, but "I hope they haven't done anything again."

This year, despite Bin Laden's death (or maybe because of it) , I am dreading even more turning on the news, for multiple reasons. One, 'they' may choose to do something again on the anniversary, something bigger, worse. And two, the news outlets are already going whole hog with memorials and remembrances. I know the people should be remembered and we should be thankful for the rescue workers who got the survivors out and we should never forget... but it's too soon for me to watch or listen to any of that. I don't know if I'll ever be ready - I still can't watch the Kennedy assassination film without crying, and I was 6 or 7 when that happened.

So, I'm left with feeling this feeling that I know is petty, trivial, inconsequential - that my birthday has been taken away from me. I know I should be bigger than that, better than that, light candles, say prayers, do something positive... but all I really want to do on September 11 is to stay in bed, and that makes me both sad and mad.