When Is Too Much Too Much?

More. Keep going. Bigger. Don't stop. Super-sized.

At what point is it too much? "Not having" can be a pain, "having" can be a burden. The less you have, the more you need, but the more you have, the more you need, too, to keep it all going. That is, of course, if you want to keep it all going.

Faced as we are with our current uncertainty, we are mulling over our various options. At this point, I'd like to be able to un-do a few things, but life doesn't go in reverse. So, somewhat counter-intuitively, we are going away this weekend to talk about "what now?" Although KW hasn't found a "real" job yet (not for lack of applying places), there are some leads that pop up from time to time. His consulting gig pays what would normally be considered a fabulous salary... but take away 30% (what we'll have to pay in taxes) and take away what his ex-wife bleeds from us, there's not enough left over to pay all the bills (part of "too much," even after cutting back many optional things). So we dip into savings. And dip. And dip. And now what had been "enough" is not going to be enough for too much longer. Even if I went out and got a "real" job, too, I can't make enough to fill the gap.

Slot-machine gambling I can do. You put your money in, you push some buttons, you watch the blinky lights, and clap when you get back between 50% and 70% of what you put in. Gambling with a 401(k) is another story. Do we pull the future to pay for the now, hoping that he'll get a job before the money runs out and we have to do it again with a different account? Or do we put the house on the (sluggish) market and hope it sells before the current liquid accounts run dry? Or do we sell everything on eBay, then take our cash (and yarn) and run away to start over again (a la "The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin)? (Okay, so maybe that's not a viable option, but it sure sounds nice...)

So. Worries and hand-wringing blend with a hefty soupcon of denial, to create Meg Flambe', able to go up in flames at a moment's notice, tears putting out the flames so the cycle can be repeated, until we figure everything out.